Grandma’s diary:A little nervous about this week-long babysitting gig in Florida. They only see me a few times a year. What if they don’t like me? What if some crazed methhead - I hear Florida is fairly crawling with crazed methheads - tries to get us while I’m taking the kids for a walk? I’m not a young woman. I can’t outrun a methhead. Hell, I can’t even outrun my 81-year-old friend and she’s in a wheelchair.

Two-year-old girl’s diary: Who is this Bamma Biv woman and why is she here? Why are mom and dad packing a bag? I don’t like this … Hmm … may be time for Operation Needy Toddler.

Six-year-old boy’s diary: Excellent! Grandma Biv’s here and mom and dad are leaving. I can tell her how they never buy me anything I need and she will take me shopping. I can tell her our kindergarten class is closed this week so the teachers can go to Disney World. I can tell her I never go to sleep before midnight and I drink a soda every night before bed.

Dog’s diary: Woof! Woof! (Feed me! Feed me!)

Grandma’s diary: First night - Got NO sleep. The baby was up all night and would only sleep if I was constantly in the rocker next to her bed. Ugh … got a stiff neck and a back ache. I’m not a young woman. Every time I thought she was asleep and tried to creep out, she would suddenly wake up and yell: “Bamma Biv! Where are you going? Bamma Biv, stay here!” It’s amazing how well she vocalizes her needs. I swear that kid came out of the womb not only talking, but shouting instructions to the doctor. She said she HAD to have her “passy” to sleep. I know she’s supposed to be weaned of pacifiers, but I found an old one in the cupboard and well, it’s only for a week. Really, what can it hurt? And, I can’t bear to tell that little face no. And there’s no need for mom and dad to know about this … what happens with Grandma stays with Grandma. I let the 6-year-old stay up and watch a children’s movie until midnight. But I made sure it was age appropriate. We had pizza at midnight and fed the leftovers to the dog.

Two-year-old girl’s diary: Wow. She’s more of a pushover than I thought. This will be fun. I cajoled four Scooby Doo fruit snacks out of her today. Mom only lets me have one. Kept her up all night, but it was her fault. She did not put Baby Pink in bed on my pillow and Big Blue Elephant in bed by my feet. And she turned off the little light, which makes the Monster in the closet come out and sit in the corner by my bed. How can I sleep when Monster’s in the room?! No wonder I’ve reverted back to my passy. I’m going to tell Grandma I need TWO passys.

Dog’s diary: Woof! Woof!

Six-year-old boy’s diary: I told Grandma I drink soda every night before bed and she gave me one! She took me shopping for my birthday and bought me the coolest pocketknife ever! Tomorrow I will tell her I need new construction materials to build something in the back yard, even though dad just bought me some stuff. You can never have too much ’struction stuff. But Grandma always misses the turns when she is driving. She needs to stay about 100 weeks ‘cause we keep turning around an awful lot of times. Grandmas drive funny.

Grandma’s diary: Well, I know the boy thinks he got one over on grandma, but I knew he wasn’t allowed to have two sodas before bed. I let him have only one. How could I say no to that face? And the pocketknife I bought him can be out only when an adult is around. Although I’m not real sure where it is at this moment. He did tell me that he needs more safety cones and safety flashers for something he is building in the back yard. Who knew those things were $20 each?! But he has to have them for a kindergarten project, and this is his chance to work on the project because apparently they canceled classes all this week. The baby is now sucking on one passy continuously and carrying a spare. We had to go to the store for the third time and stock up on Scooby Doo fruit snacks. She told me they help her sleep. Whatever it takes. Maybe I can just somehow get ahold of the passys and hide them before mom and dad come home. Along with the pocketknife. Shoot, I meant to dull those edges before I gave it to him. Mom and dad due home tomorrow. I think I was supposed to feed the dog only once a day, but I kept forgetting if I fed him and he would stand by his bowl and cock his head and give me that look - how could I say no to that face? - so I would give him more. I think he’s put on weight since I got here - oh yeah, he’s definitely fatter..

Dog’s diary: Woof! Woof!

Viv Sade is a reporter for Buscovoice.com and is no longer allowed to babysit for her grandchildren for any extended period of time.