Dude here.

To say I have an untraditional family might be an understatement.  I’ve always thought that Thanksgiving is a time for remembrance, reflection, and gratitude for the blessings you have.  Most families rise early and watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade together, celebrate with wonderful dinners and outdoor fun (if the weather cooperates), and then maybe in the evening they visit by the fire or pop in the first wholesome Christmas movie of the season.  That’s the way I’ve seen it unfold in every Lifetime and Hallmark Channel movie…um, not that I’ve ever watched those channels, but that’s what I’ve heard.  But we’re apparently not the prototypical family, because our Thanksgiving is usually a vastly different experience, and this year was no exception.

We did rise to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade, but we mostly mocked it.  Even our three-year-old smarmily declared “That’s not the real Santa.”  She also joined me in jeering Mark Harmon and Jimmy Smits during CBS’ worthless coverage, where the parade was an afterthought for two hours of unfunny jokes, mind-numbing interviews and, honestly, Jamie Kennedy’s grandfather attempting the old “pull my finger” gag.  It was painfully bad.

We also did celebrate with a wonderful dinner hosted by our cousins, but we arrived 30 minutes late with our carry-in dishes half cooked.  Thankfully, they still had their oven cranked up.  Unthankfully, while we waited for the casserole to brown, we were treated to the drunken TMZ-esque knowledge of our family loon who, fueled by her 6^th pre-dinner margarita, took it upon herself to inform us of the sexual habits and diseases of dead celebrities.  That’s a rough topic before noon.

And while we did pop in a movie later that evening, it wasn’t your typical holiday cheer fest.  Instead, we chose The Bank Job, a true story bank heist involving corrupt British police officers, corrupt British government officials, violent radicals, and pornographers.  Alright, maybe it doesn’t ring of yuletide fellowship, but it was a fine tale.

The Bank Job stars Jason Statham (The Transporter) as Terry Leather, a London car dealer presented with an opportunity to heist a major London bank by model Martine Love (Saffron Burrows).  Terry suspects and soon confirms that Martine has her own motives for the heist, but he can’t bring himself to pass on the opportunity of a lifetime.  Maybe he should have though, because the gang of criminals he assembles unwittingly stumble onto a bounty of scandalous photos and incriminating evidence that involves everyone from crime bosses to the Royal Family.  The aftermath of the heist sees Terry and his gang trying to survive and arrange a deal while being hunted simultaneously by MI-5 agents and underworld criminal thugs.

It’s actually a pretty fun film, although I highly suggest you brush up on your British phrases and Cockney colloquialisms before watching it.  Even with subtitles on, I had to pause and decode into American language several times.  Unfortunately, the Babel Fish translator doesn’t have an English-to-American option.  But I was able to figure out that when things “go pear shaped,” it’s not good.  And trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to know what a “12-inch sheep stabber” references.

Fans of Jason Statham films may be disappointed that he has no real action scenes here.  In fact, there aren’t many action scenes at all.  The strength of the film is its story, which might seem contrived and borderline ridiculous if it wasn’t apparently true.  The Bank Job is based off the 1971 Baker Street ransacking of Lloyd’s Bank, which led to a Scotland Yard investigation, the resignation of several top government officials, and a government imposed moratorium on press coverage of the event.

The supporting cast includes a great turn by Peter De Jersey as black radical Michael X.  He’s a man I wouldn’t want to cross anyway, but this is hammered home early on when Mr. X has some poor sap shackled in a slave collar.  It’s also a treat to watch David Suchet as pornographer Lew Vogel, whose safe deposit box had been holding a ledger with recorded payoffs to a bevy of dirty London cops.  He’s pretty wicked in his ruthless, violent pursuit of the incriminating ledger.  You’d think a man who spends that much time around naked women would be a happier, nicer person.

Who can say how much of the film is actually true, as the files on this incident have been ordered sealed until 2054…at which point they’ll probably be ordered resealed for another fifty years.  But it’s an intriguing tale nonetheless, and it turned out to be the perfect capper on yet another of my quirky family’s Thanksgivings.  

Email me your drunken relative holiday stories, Cockney colloquialisms, praise or ridicule at dudeviews@yahoo.com.  

Until next time, the Dude is not in. 

• Movie:  The Bank Job
• Genre:  Crime drama  
• Rating:  R
• Running Time: 111 minutes
• Dude’s Rating:  Hearty Round of Applause

(Dude Brockhaus lives in New Haven, IN, where his sedentary lifestyle has caused him to go pear-shaped.)

• Dude’s Rating Scale

• Standing Ovation
• Hearty Round of Applause
• Golf Clap
• “Meh” and a Shoulder Shrug
• Booed
• Lustily Booed and Pelted with Garbage